Friday, 5 November 2010

Frontline report from Afghanistan

More scintillating, hot news on The Sensible Bond.

Paris, France: The ground war in Afghanistan heated up yesterday when the Western alliance revealed plans to airdrop a platoon of crack French existentialist philosophers into the country to damage the morale of Taliban zealots by proving the non-existence of God.

Elements from the feared Jean-Paul Sartre Brigade, or Black Berets, will be parachuted into the combat zones to spread doubt, despondency, and existential anomie among the enemy. Hardened by numerous intellectual battles fought during their long occupation of Paris's Left Bank, their first action will be to establish a number of pavement cafes at strategic points near the front lines. There they will drink coffee and talk animatedly about the absurd nature of life.

Their leader, Colonel Marc-Ange Belmondo, spoke yesterday of his confidence in the success of their mission. Sorbonne graduate Belmondo, a very intense and unshaven young man in a black pullover, plans to deliver an impassioned thesis on man's nauseating freedom of action with special reference to the work of Foucault and the films of Alfred Hitchcock.

Humanitarian agencies have been quick to condemn the operation as inhumane, pointing out that the effects of passive smoking from the Frenchmens' endless Gitanes could wreak a terrible toll on civilians in the area.

Further news as it becomes available.


Raphaela said...

Hee! I knew we'd find a use for those pesky existentialists eventually.

Thanks for a chuckle just when some light relief was welcome. :)

Ches said...

Aye, send 'em to the desert!

GOR said...

Loved the bit about the 'passive smoke' (coming from a confirmed smoker...).

Reminds me of some years ago when there was all that trouble in Beirut. Someone took one of the locals to task for smoking and got a response along the lines of: "With all the shooting, explosions and falling buildings around here, you're worried about smoking...?"

Richard said...

I dunno about this... pseudo-military service could be construed as having a job. And it could prove useful to the world at large. I thought those beatniks were opposed to that sort of thing.